jonesin'

As I sit here in the recliner rocking back in forth out of subconscious habit, my girl is sleeping on my baby belly, dangling over the recliner. I wonder if this position is even comfortable for her.

I love that she gets lonely when she wakes up and cries for me.

This morning she woke up and cried mommy!!! HUG!!!! I wanted to let her cry it out because I was tired, but she kept crying hug, hug, hug. so I couldn’t just let her cry, I went in there, and gave her a hug, brought her back to bed with me, and we slept for another hour and a half.

I know I get annoyed with her, but I’m starting to realize that she loves me unconditionally. Who else loves someone like that? How could I not be grateful for her love? All I know is I need to be better, more patient, more loving with my only baby girl. My favorite girl.

She was such a good little girl today in church, sat during sacrament meeting the whole time, no fuss, no cry, nothing. Played with her baby, colored and read her book. When I picked her up from nursery, she ran to me, excited to see me. I was actually surprised :)

I don’t mind that I hardly get to finish a task because she wants to be held. it makes me feel nice, wanted, needed.

Today I’ve got one month, exactly, before Spencer arrives. I feel like I have a panic attack almost every night.

A slur of thought come rolling into my brain “what did I just do to myself?”, “how can I handle two babies”, “am I really ready for this?” and then I fall asleep and wake up the next morning feeling that I’ll be able to handle it. It wont be as hard as I think, just take it day by day.