but my thoughts aren't always good.
sometimes sad, troubled, worrisome.
today. they are a little worrisome, alot of anxious and a smidge excited.
I feel like i'm running around with my head cut off today.
didn't wake up till 8:40. Started breaksfast which took an hour because i was trying to find a good gravy recipe.
I was peeved cause i was making this nice little breakfast for my small family, and austin went back to bed for the hour that i was cooking, but works all day, and it's hard work so i let it slide.
i scarfed down my food because i wanted to go to the 4th of july parade before it started.
we were a little late getting out the door, so we rode our bikes, found a spot to sit down (miraculously).
Lorelei loved all the candy being thrown to her, but now she and austin are pooped out asleep.
anyways. all of that above was not the reason for this post.
I'm getting more and more anxious as the weekend draws to an end ( didn't it just start?), i kind of want to vomit knowing that next week i'm going to be a mother of two.
i'm having a c-sections after much research and consideration. It was my choice, and the doctors thought it was a good choice given my previous history.
i know everyone is telling me that i can do it, but can i do it after i've been sliced and diced?
lorelei loves to be held. i love to hold her.
how am i going to hold her without busting a staple? i can't pick her up.
we don't have a bassinet, so little man is going to be sleeping in a lusciously plush laundry basket on my nightstand so that i can just reach over and get him.
how am i going to put lorelei to bed?
I know i have austin, and he's taking a week off from work to help me, but really.... when he goes back to work how am i going to do that?
id ask my mom to come up, but lets be honest, my mother is a push over and doesn't know how to properly put lorelei down without be manipulated.
My parents are more of a pain than a help, especially my dad.
how the heck am i going to go to the bathroom?
stairs. i'm scared of you.
i'd go on walks, but i don't have a double stroller.
oy. all of this stuff is coming to me now. are you kidding me?
i know things will all fall into place and i'll be so smitten with my two lovies that i wont care about anything in the world, but until then i just sit her and fester, thinking of things i don't have and don't know how to do.
lets just get tuesday here, over and done with.
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