Therapy

Because i can't afford therapy right now

(and trust me... i feel like i desperately need it sometimes. Especially when you have to deal with a father like mine)

I've started sewing. Since husband has been gone at AT all this last week i've managed to:

1. sew a new carseat cover for spenc

2. made a carseat canopy thing

3. made a boppy pillow (i even improvised the pattern )

holy. that's alot of baby stuff.

lucky for me i'm a fabric hoarder and only had to buy 2 yards (because my other fabric is girly)

tomorrow... i plan on making a nursing cover with some cherry fabric that i've had since before lorelei was born.

I might even make more than one. because i need to release some stress and anguish.

tomorrow... if the weather is nice, i'm going to take lorelei outside to play

because i think she's been cooped up in the house too much.

i think this because she's constantly whining/crying/screaming at the top of her lungs.

i can't take it. especially now since austin is gone. normally when she gets like this he helps me out and distracts her.

but it's like this:

she cries/whines/screams

climbs on me, gets down

yells blanket

grabs the blanket

climbs back on me

throws the blanket

cries some more

i tell her to stop

she hits me and screams no no!

gets down

cries and the process repeats itself.

help me. what am i doing or not doing?

I do love my girl.

we did have some fun today

she had fun taking everything out of my sewing box and putting it back in.

she did run around in circles trying to escape my camera, and i got some good facial expressions from my girl

but she's wearing me out.

i'm 8 months pregnant (or around there) and my emotions/patience are wearing thin.

speaking of pregnancy.

i have a doctors appointment on monday (oh the office finally called me to ask how i was doing/feeling.. only 4 days late people), i've been having menstrual like cramps (still, but i was told they were BH), and i think i've dropped, because (not to offend anyone, but this is my blog see and it's also a "journal" if you will, so i can say what i want.) i can't see my crotch anymore, not even when i "suck in". I'm not one of those people who lose sight of their feet. I maintain full vision of my feet the entire duration of pregnancy. Its when i lose sight of my crotch that something has changed.

but i can't tell. i never dropped with lorelei, so i don't exactly have experience in this.

I want to talk to the doctor about my birthing options (but i'm seeing Barton monday UGH!!!!) and i know that he wont listen to me, he checks my fundus asks if i have any questions as he's writing in the chart and books it like he's going to catch a disease from me. Nice... real nice.

Anyways. i want to talk to them about my choice of a c-section or early induction because i will not allow them to use a vacuum, forceps or an episiotomy to get this baby out of me. Recovery with lorelei was hell; 4th degree tear because my hips didn't separate and because the Dr. used forceps (basically pulling me off the table as Austin describes it) to get lorelei out because her shoulders were stuck in my pelvis.

I don't want to go through that again.

oh and the only drugs i'll be using is an epidural. if they try to give me pain meds, i'm gonna cut someone.

anyways.. can you tell i've been lacking adult conversation? I only get to talk to austin once a day for maybe 10 min because he's tired or busy.